She’s just been judged. 😉
Have you ever felt judged or been accused of judging someone? I’m pretty sure we all have –especially with social media these days. With social media people can say whatever they want and it can reach a huge audience and because they have the computer as their shield, they say things in a way that they would never say in person. If you have one opinion and you see a friend’s status talking about how idiotic people are who think that way, you feel hurt and judged. And because things like that are so common, you even feel judged when you read someone’s well thought out and kindly worded post about a differing opinion. But I suggest to you that you are not being judged as often as you think and even when you are being judged, it doesn’t really matter.
Now I am not saying that real judgment isn’t out there and that it can’t lead to other, more serious problems. Judging that leads to bullying, and shunning others, and rumors, and other types of mistreatment is awful and sad and we should stop doing that. But I’m not talking about that kind of judgment. I’m just talking about judgment or perceived judgment that is just an opinion and hasn’t led to other types of mistreatment. So please don’t think that I’m downplaying bullying or anything like that –I see it as a separate issue. 🙂
(Before I move on with the rest of my post I’m going to warn you that it is quite long. If you aren’t willing to read the whole thing, please stop now. I’d rather you not read any of it than read part of it and come to the wrong conclusions. You kind of have to read the whole thing to get what I’m really saying. But, if you’re interested and have time to read a long post, please read on. :))
Everyone makes judgment calls on a daily basis for themselves and possibly for their family as well. Some of the judgment calls I’ve made are as follows: infidelity is bad, sex before marriage is bad, profanity is bad, drinking and smoking is bad, eating processed foods and refined sugars is bad, laziness is bad, using skin care products that are full of chemicals is bad, following the teachings of Christ is good, attending church meetings regularly is good, spending quality time with family is good, and the list goes on and on. Some of you probably felt judged as you read that list but I promise that I’m not judging you. And some of you probably judged me as you read that list but I don’t care. 🙂 And I’m not even saying that I’ve never done or never do any of those things that I’ve decided are bad or that I always do those things that I’ve decided are good. Some of them are fairly recent decisions and even after I make a decision to live my life a certain way, sometimes I still don’t.
I believe that most people are good. Most people love others and want to be loved. Most people want what is best for themselves and their family and others. Most people want to be kind to others and want others to be kind to them. Most people try to live the best life that they can with the knowledge and resources that they have. But no one is perfect. We all mess up. If you look at all the little things –there are times when I don’t want to be good, when I don’t love others, when I don’t want what is best for someone else, and when I choose to do something even though I know that I shouldn’t, and I’m pretty sure most people are the same. But when you look at the big picture, I’m good and so are you and that’s what we need to remember. 🙂
When we make judgment calls and decisions like the things I listed above, we generally make those calls based on life experiences that we’ve had and information that we’ve learned and feelings that we’ve felt. For many of us, these judgment calls or opinions can change over time. For example, in the past I’ve loved my processed foods and thought that people who go to great lengths to eat natural, healthy food are acting a bit ridiculous and as a result, are missing out on many of the joys of life. Now I avoid processed foods as much as possible and even do crazy things like make my own mayo, chocolate chips, etc… using ingredients that I know and trust and I believe that eating those chemical laden, processed foods would be mistreating the body that God has given me.
Now you might be thinking that both of those sentences sound quite judgmental but they don’t have to be. Just because I think that a specific action is ridiculous or bad or disrespectful to God doesn’t mean that I think a person doing that is ridiculous or bad or disrespectful. Back in my processed food days I don’t think I was bad or acting out of disrespect for God. I was making decisions based on my life experiences and the knowledge that I had. I ate processed foods because they tasted good and were quick and easy and that’s what my friends ate too and I didn’t think they affected my health that much. Now that I’m avoiding processed foods, it’s not because I’m ridiculous, and I don’t think I’m missing out on the joys of life either –I actually enjoy cooking from scratch and eating healthy food. I’ve made that decision because I discovered that those bad foods were affecting my health quite a lot and I’ve done a lot of research on nutrition and natural living and with the information that I now have, I try to eat things that nourish my body and help heal all the problems that my body has. I’m trying to respect the wonderful body that I’ve been given and give it the nourishment that it needs using plants and animals that I believe God put on the earth for that very reason. And my opinion may change again someday. Who knows?
I believe that others make their decisions the same way. They may be doing something that I consider to be wrong or silly or rude or whatever else, but when I say that those things are wrong or silly or rude I am basing that off of my own experience and knowledge –if I were to do the exact same thing with the mindset that I currently have, then it would be wrong or silly or rude. However, I assume that the person doing those things has a completely different mindset because of different life experiences and knowledge and that they aren’t doing it with a bad intent at all. Maybe they are trying to be rude or ridiculous or disrespectful, but it’s not up to me to decide. I’m going to assume that they are making what they believe to be the best decision for them at the time.
And when someone states an opinion that is contrary to mine, I’m not going to assume they are judging me because I am living contrary to what they believe. Maybe they are judging me but I don’t know what’s in their head so I can’t assume that they are. And if I do assume that they’re judging me and they’re really not, who does that affect? I will have negative feelings towards them and possibly towards myself as well and they’ll be completely oblivious to it all and as happy as can be! I’d rather be the happy one. 🙂
Of course I’m not saying that I never feel judged or that I never judge others. Sometimes I say, do, or feel things before I really think about it. But as I make more of an effort to have the attitude that I’ve described above, I’m a much happier person and I have a much better opinion of those around me. 🙂 I like it and if you’ve never thought about things this way, I hope you’ll give it a try and see if it improves your life and your outlook on life as well. And if not, that’s okay too. I won’t judge you and I’ll assume you’re not judging me. 🙂